I posted this in the Facebook group last week, but thought you might like to see it as well.
Dear Family & Friends,
After almost three years, our precious Emily is finally coming home! We know that each of you has supported, loved and prayed for us. She has no idea what an incredible group of family and friends await her! We will be leaving on Saturday, August 23 to fly to Sofia. Our "Gothca Day" is Monday, August 25. We are asking that you keep us in your prayers while we are gone. Our prayer requests include safety, peace and comfort for Emily we learn about each other. We also pray for her health (she has severe asthma and a heart condition) as well as her eating (we hear she’s a picky eater and doesn’t eat solids). Thank you in advance for your prayers!
Our plan was to invite friends and family to greet Emily at the airport when we return. After meeting her, we have decided that she may be too shy and timid for this to be a positive experience for her so our current plan is to limit it to immediate family only. We hate to risk the progress we will have made with her for one fleeting photo opp. Taking our cues from her will be the name-of-the-game for the next several months so please watch our Facebook page and we’ll let you know if things change.
As ecstatic as we are about Emily entering our lives, it is also an uncertain time as we anticipate how she will adjust to her new family and surroundings. As many of you know, you cannot parent adoptive children the same as biological children. We want to share some information that we hope will best equip you to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation.
Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need, communicates that need, and the primary caretaker (usually mom) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby - which teaches her that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God's very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies which affects their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents ultimately gives children a trust for and empathy towards others.
Obviously, children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process as the loss of a biological mother at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. The good news is that this battle is not lost and we can now rebuild attachment and help her heal from these emotional wounds. As we hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed her, we can forge the missing parent/child bond. As this process repeats between us, Emily will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection and once Emily starts to establish this important bond she will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships. In many ways, Emily will be like other children who enter a family through birth; we will parent like other Christian families as we bring her up in the instruction and discipline of the Lord. But initially there will be a few, key differences. Because you will play an awesome and vital role in helping our Emily settle in, there are a few areas in which you can help us:
After almost three years, our precious Emily is finally coming home! We know that each of you has supported, loved and prayed for us. She has no idea what an incredible group of family and friends await her! We will be leaving on Saturday, August 23 to fly to Sofia. Our "Gothca Day" is Monday, August 25. We are asking that you keep us in your prayers while we are gone. Our prayer requests include safety, peace and comfort for Emily we learn about each other. We also pray for her health (she has severe asthma and a heart condition) as well as her eating (we hear she’s a picky eater and doesn’t eat solids). Thank you in advance for your prayers!
Our plan was to invite friends and family to greet Emily at the airport when we return. After meeting her, we have decided that she may be too shy and timid for this to be a positive experience for her so our current plan is to limit it to immediate family only. We hate to risk the progress we will have made with her for one fleeting photo opp. Taking our cues from her will be the name-of-the-game for the next several months so please watch our Facebook page and we’ll let you know if things change.
As ecstatic as we are about Emily entering our lives, it is also an uncertain time as we anticipate how she will adjust to her new family and surroundings. As many of you know, you cannot parent adoptive children the same as biological children. We want to share some information that we hope will best equip you to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation.
Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need, communicates that need, and the primary caretaker (usually mom) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby - which teaches her that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God's very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies which affects their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents ultimately gives children a trust for and empathy towards others.
Obviously, children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process as the loss of a biological mother at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. The good news is that this battle is not lost and we can now rebuild attachment and help her heal from these emotional wounds. As we hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed her, we can forge the missing parent/child bond. As this process repeats between us, Emily will be able to learn that parents are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection and once Emily starts to establish this important bond she will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships. In many ways, Emily will be like other children who enter a family through birth; we will parent like other Christian families as we bring her up in the instruction and discipline of the Lord. But initially there will be a few, key differences. Because you will play an awesome and vital role in helping our Emily settle in, there are a few areas in which you can help us:
Setting Physical Boundaries - It will help us immensely if you limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Emily. This will (for a while) include things like holding, excessive hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone - which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Emily should know that the people with whom she interacts are our trusted family and friends.
Redirecting Emily - Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults and may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are "very friendly" but this is actually quite dangerous for the child. As a result, until she has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct her to us if you see that she is seeking out food, affection or comfort.
Limiting New Stimuli - Specifically we will limit visitors for the first several weeks and we will limit our outings so as not to overwhelm her senses with new stimuli all at once. Additionally, since our goal is to be the only people to meet Emily’s needs during this initial time, this might mean that you won’t see us at normal functions we typically attend for a while.
To be honest, the boundaries we have set will be difficult at times for us as a family...we are social butterflies, but we have committed to give Emily the best start possible and we are confident this is it. We want nothing more than for you to be able to hold and love on Emily, but the research has shown us that this is what’s best for Emily in the long run. As we begin this new phase of our journey, please know that we appreciate you and understand that we covet your support and encouragement. Also, please don't forget to check our blog www.peskethoughts.blogspot.com for updates and pictures!
What can you do to help? Continue to support us. Encourage us through calls, texts, Facebook messages and emails. Pray for us. Bring meals (thank you to Sarah Herold for setting up a Meal Train for us! www.mealtrain.com/91g05). Wait to visit with our sweet girl until after we have had time to attach as a family. Offer to take the boys for a couple of hours and make them feel special outside of the fact that they have a new sister.
We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us; we couldn't ask for a better extended family & circle of friends for our precious Emily. Thank you so much for your love and support over the past several years. If you have any questions please feel free to ask at any time!
With much love,
Rob and Nicole Ben, Evan & Emily
